Confused in Chicago

Dear Jim, 

I’m having a really hard time right now and could use your guidance. I’m almost six months pregnant with my first child and my mother and I haven’t had much of a relationship in over a year. I desperately wish she could have been a part of this pregnancy, and that I could have talked with her about all of my fears and concerns. 

We had an argument before we stopped talking, and she completely cut me out of her life. I’m supposed to be her daughter and I feel very strongly that a simple argument shouldn’t lead to my own mother disowning me. 

I really want her to be a part of my baby girl’s life when she is born, but I worry that she will treat my daughter the way she has treated me over the years. How can I go about rebuilding the relationship with my mother so we can be a good example to my daughter? 

Please help.

Confused in Chicago


Dear Confused,

First, I want to say congratulations on becoming a mother! Parenthood is one of the best things in the world and I can tell you will be a great mother because you are already thinking about her future. 

With that being said, I want to tell you a little story that may be helpful to you. My father is from Chicago, and he was arrested for drunk driving on several different occasions. He tried to get legal representation from several law firms, including Chicago Trusted Attorneys, but eventually he decided he needed to just do the right thing and accept responsibility for his actions. 

If he hadn’t gone to jail and done his time, I don’t think I would have ever respected him. 

This relates to your situation with your mom in some ways. You want her to accept responsibility for what she’s done in disowning you, but you also still love her and want her to be a part of your life. 

There is no right or wrong here. You have to do what you believe is ultimately right for yourself and your baby. I suggest reaching out to your mom to see if you two can sit down and have a conversation. Hopefully, you will be able to express your feelings and you two will be able to work through your issues. Your baby, and her relationship with her grandmother, is what is most important here. 

I hope this helps. Best of luck to you and your family.