Broken-Hearted in Boise

Dear Jim,

This Valentine’s Day couldn’t have been more terrible. I spent such a long time picking out the perfect gift for my girlfriend of five years. I finally settled on a gorgeous engagement ring and thought Valentine’s Day would be the perfect opportunity to pop the question. I brought her out to this fancy and romantic Italian restaurant, had the waiter bring over glasses of champagne, and got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. 

Imagine my shock when she literally got up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving me on one bent knee!

I sat back down, completely embarrassed, and after I paid the bill, I went back to our shared apartment and noticed she had moved out. She only took things that were important to her, like her mother’s treasured necklace, her backpack and school books (she’s in law school hoping to fulfill her dream of becoming a Boise car accident lawyer), and a couple of other things I noticed were missing. 

It’s been three days and I haven’t heard anything from her since. She blocked me on Facebook, she isn’t returning my phone calls or text messages, and I’m not really sure what went wrong. I need your help figuring out what to do next. I don’t understand why she couldn’t have just said she wasn’t ready, but to ghost me like that after spending five years together doesn’t seem like her. 

Please help me figure out what to do now,

Broken-hearted in Boise


Dear Broken-Hearted,

What an awful way to spend Valentine’s Day, and I’m so sorry to hear that your long-time girlfriend has left you. Unfortunately, “ghosting” seems to be quite the trend these days. After five years, you would hope she would have had a conversation with you about what she was feeling. But we also need to understand that people don’t owe us anything, and we can’t expect them to communicate with us in the ways we would like.

It seems abundantly clear to me that she gave you her answer when she left. As long as you know she is safe and did not leave against her will, you must start to accept the fact that things have ended badly here. She may change her mind down the road and feel terrible about leaving you in this way, but it is important that you remember that the right woman for you would have talked to you about what she was feeling instead of bailing on you when you needed her most. 

The right one is out there for you, Broken-Hearted. I’d suggest reaching out to a grief counselor to help you through this difficult time in your life, and get comfortable being alone for awhile before you get back out there searching for love. 

All my best,