Broken-Hearted in Boise

Dear Jim,

This Valentine’s Day couldn’t have been more terrible. I spent such a long time picking out the perfect gift for my girlfriend of five years. I finally settled on a gorgeous engagement ring and thought Valentine’s Day would be the perfect opportunity to pop the question. I brought her out to this fancy and romantic Italian restaurant, had the waiter bring over glasses of champagne, and got down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. 

Imagine my shock when she literally got up and walked out of the restaurant, leaving me on one bent knee!

I sat back down, completely embarrassed, and after I paid the bill, I went back to our shared apartment and noticed she had moved out. She only took things that were important to her, like her mother’s treasured necklace, her backpack and school books (she’s in law school hoping to fulfill her dream of becoming a Boise car accident lawyer), and a couple of other things I noticed were missing. 

It’s been three days and I haven’t heard anything from her since. She blocked me on Facebook, she isn’t returning my phone calls or text messages, and I’m not really sure what went wrong. I need your help figuring out what to do next. I don’t understand why she couldn’t have just said she wasn’t ready, but to ghost me like that after spending five years together doesn’t seem like her. 

Please help me figure out what to do now,

Broken-hearted in Boise

 

Dear Broken-Hearted,

What an awful way to spend Valentine’s Day, and I’m so sorry to hear that your long-time girlfriend has left you. Unfortunately, “ghosting” seems to be quite the trend these days. After five years, you would hope she would have had a conversation with you about what she was feeling. But we also need to understand that people don’t owe us anything, and we can’t expect them to communicate with us in the ways we would like.

It seems abundantly clear to me that she gave you her answer when she left. As long as you know she is safe and did not leave against her will, you must start to accept the fact that things have ended badly here. She may change her mind down the road and feel terrible about leaving you in this way, but it is important that you remember that the right woman for you would have talked to you about what she was feeling instead of bailing on you when you needed her most. 

The right one is out there for you, Broken-Hearted. I’d suggest reaching out to a grief counselor to help you through this difficult time in your life, and get comfortable being alone for awhile before you get back out there searching for love. 

All my best,

Jim

Concerned in Orange County

Dear Jim,

I’m at my wits end with my daughter. No matter how much I try to convince her to increase the amounts of her car insurance policy, she refuses. I keep trying to explain to her that having the bare minimum coverage isn’t going to be enough if she is ever involved in a car accident. 

It’s bad enough that every time she leaves the house I’ve got my finger on the speed dial, ready to call an Orange County personal injury lawyer just in case she’s hurt, but now I constantly worry that she will be stuck with massive bills, be brought to court if she crashes her car, or heaven forbid is hit by someone else. 

I know I may be being slightly overprotective of my little girl, but how can I get her to listen to me and increase the amount of car insurance coverage she has so she is as protected as possible when she drives?

Help!

Concerned in Orange County

 

Dear Concerned,

I know exactly how you feel. When my daughter started driving, I was paranoid every time she left the house. I used to work in the insurance industry, concerned, and you’re absolutely right— your daughter does need to add additional coverage in order to provide her with further protection. 

It sounds like your daughter is on her own insurance policy, which means she must also be 18 years old or older. Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do to make her up her coverage. Especially at this age, everything you say is going to sound like you are trying to control her and make her choices for her. 

The best you can do is to explain to her why having basic coverage isn’t enough, direct her to the education materials she needs to make an informed decision, and let her make her own decision. As parents, we’d like to prevent our kids from making the mistakes that we’ve already made in the past, but sometimes, as much as we try, we cannot accomplish this goal.

If your daughter is under 18 years old, she must be on your insurance policy, in which case I would increase the coverage amounts anyway since you’ll be on the hook for the bills if she is ever in an accident. She may not like it, but she can purchase her own policy once she is of legal age to do so if that is her inclination.

Best of luck,

Jim